


The Call Girl

by TheBlinkFox



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2020-08-10 11:37:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 19,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20134840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlinkFox/pseuds/TheBlinkFox
Summary: Yoohyeon never expected to fall in love with anyone. She kept her heart safe from the world. Then on one lonely night, she decided to hire a call girl. That was the day that -everything- changed.





	1. Diary 1: Entry 1

It was a Tuesday when I lost my virginity. You don't need to know all the circumstances that led up to this. All you need to know was that I was twenty-one years old, in my third year of language studies at university, and I was lonely as all hell.

You might be thinking I suddenly grew some mysterious charm and seduced someone into my bed, but you'd be wrong. I've always been awkward and clumsy, and that didn't suddenly stop that Tuesday night.

For a few days prior, I had been pondering whether or not I should hire a call girl. I had looked around at several ads, looked at the prices, looked at the money I had remaining, and settled on a girl called 'JiU'. Her picture was absolutely stunning, and she seemed really nice based on her ad. If I had to lose my virginity to anyone, I'd pick her.

I didn't call her immediately because I had always had this erroneous hope in the corner of my mind that sex would end up happening naturally for me, with the right person at the right time.

After three years at university, painfully alone, that hope began to wear thin. It was in its final death throes until at last, on Tuesday night, it keeled over, dead.

I was in my room, on my bed, with only my bedside lamp on. The room was cast in dim light with stark shadows. My thumb hovered above the 'call' button on my phone, trembling. My heart was racing.

Was I sure about this? Was this absolutely what I wanted? It only took a quick flash of memories to restore my conviction. I took a deep breath and called JiU's number.

I heard the line ring for a few moments before JiU picked up.

_"Hi, Pink Princess JiU here, how may I service you?"_ a woman's sultry voice answered.

"H-hi, um, are you free tonight?" I asked.

_"Ooh, so keen to have me,"_ JiU crooned.

Blood rushed to my face. "W-well I, um, can I book an-an appointment tonight?"

_"Of course you can, sweetie. I'm free in an hour at 9:30pm. Shall we go to a hotel, or shall I come to your place?"_

"Um, m-my place, please." I gave her my dorm's address and my room number.

_"Beautiful. I'll see you in an hour, sweetie. We can get to know each other more then."_

I smiled. "Yes-yes, of course."

Then JiU hung up.

The next hour was filled with nervous antics. I paced a lot. I bit all my nails off. I did my makeup, took it off, and re-applied it again. I tried on a beautiful red dress I'd never worn.

And then I heard a knock on my door. I glanced at the clock. 9:30pm. My heart dropped.

She was _here_.

I gulped. My mouth was suddenly dry. My heart pounded in my chest.

Smiling my friendliest smile, I opened the door.

JiU stood there in tight, black booty shorts, fishnets, and a black crop top that teased me with her midriff. She also had dyed red hair and the most dazzling smile I had ever seen. It was like looking directly at the sun.

All of a sudden, my friendly smile became a dopey grin, my mind forgetting what we were about to do.

"Hi, I'm JiU. May I come in?" she said. Her voice was soft and sweet. It lilted with a hint of music. I knew from that moment I wanted to know every tune, every note.

I brushed my hair behind my ear, blushing. "Of course!" I stood aside to let her enter, and closed the door behind her.

JiU glanced around my room. "It's pretty small. Living the student life, huh?"

I frantically rushed around to shove all the empty fast food packaging out of side. I laughed nervously. "That's me. Student!"

JiU sat on my bed and motioned for me to join her. "What do you study?"

I sat next to her, leaving an awkward amount of space between us. "I'm a language major."

JiU glanced pointedly at the gap. Smirking, she shifted so that her hip was flush with mine. "You're an awfully pretty nerd."

That time my laugh wasn't nervous. "Is that a compliment?"

JiU slid her arm around me. "Yes. It was. Now, what do you like?" she said, smiling gently at me. Her eyes were soft and brown and sparkled like the stars at night.

"U-um, I like gaming in my spare time, a-and- "

JiU placed a finger on my lips. "Shh, I meant..." She leaned in and whispered huskily in my ear, "What do you _like_?"

My eyes went wide. "O-oh! Yes! Sex! I mean- I-I don't know. I've never done this before. I'm sorry."

JiU hugged me tightly for a moment, then with her arm still around my waist, she said, "It's okay! Inexperience is not a sin. We'll take everything at your pace, alright?"

The way she looked at me...it made my heart ache. I nodded. "Alright. Let's do this."

JiU giggled. "And if it makes you feel better, you're the cutest client I've ever had."

"O-oh, thank you."

"Now, I think we should get you comfortable first. You seem to be doing okay with my arm around you."

I laughed. "Mostly because I don't know what to do about it."

"You put your arm around me too."

I did. My heart thrilled at her warmth.

"I'm going to kiss you now. Are you ready?"

I nodded, licking my lips. What would it feel like? What should I do?

JiU slowly closed the distance between our faces. I didn't know where to look, so I simply shut my eyes.

I waited with baited breath. One second passed. Two seconds.

And then I felt her lips on mine.

It was a struggle for me to decide whether I should write down what followed, but I'm always wary that my friends might find this diary, and the less blackmail material they have, the better.

Suffice it to say, my first time was very, very awkward. I wanted to die from embarrassment. But JiU was patient and kind the whole time. She thought my awkwardness was cute.

Her words made me bold. In a fleeting moment of unparalleled courage, I asked for an appointment next week, same time, same place.

JiU, of course, giggled and acquiesced to my request. She even gave me a 'first timer's discount' which I suspect she made up on the spot. Then she kissed me on the lips, got dressed, and left me alone on my bed, my mind still trying to comprehend what had just happened.

It had been mortifying, but exhilarating. My blood was on fire.

And so began the most interesting times of my young life.


	2. Diary 1: Entry 2

I was hoping my friends hadn't seen JiU leaving my room. They lived on the same floor as me and they never let me forget it. Either by annoying me, or showering me with love. On Wednesday morning however, they chose to be annoying.

The text alert tone from my phone roused me from my sleep.

_Sua: !!!! who was that walking out of your room last night, Yoohyeon!!_

_Siyeon: oooOOOOOOOHHH MY GOD THAT WAS THE WALK OF SHAME_

_Sua: our sweet innocent girl finally got some, i'm so proud :')_

Heat rose to my face. I wanted to throw my phone. I wanted to slap my friends. I wanted to scream. Of course I did none of those things. Instead, I replied:

_Yoohyeon: Meet me at 10:30am at the uni café. I'll explain everything then._

_Sua: I look forward to it ;)))_

Then I muted the chat, because I knew Sua and Siyeon were never going to shut up about it.

I spent the first lecture of the day dreading that chat with my friends. What was I going to say? My mind couldn't form coherent sentences. All I could think about was _her_.

Her lips on my neck. Kissing. Sucking. Biting. Her hand down my pants, fingers inside me. Her clothes on the floor. Her taste in my mouth. Her moan in my ears. Her smile in my heart.

It replayed in my mind. Over and over and over. And I didn't want it to stop. I felt a heat between my legs and my heart skipped a beat.

Then I pinched myself and forced myself to focus on the lecture. I had to calm down.

The lecture didn't pass fast enough, but when it finally did, I dutifully made my way to the agreed-upon café. My mouth was dry. I still wasn't sure what I was going to say.

I arrived at 10:10am. Sua and Siyeon were already there, grinning at me. Of course. With a sigh, I made my way to the table and sat down.

"So," Sua said.

"So," I replied, nodding.

Sua and Siyeon nodded back.

Siyeon leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands. "So," she said, "how was it?"

A hot flush rose to my cheeks. "H-how was what?" I said with as much nonchalance as i could muster.

Sua chuckled. "Come on, Yoohyeon. We know what happened. Who was that fine-ass girl leaving your room last night, and how come we've never seen her before?"

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and took a deep breath, collecting my thoughts. What should my explanation be? What could I say? I certainly wasn't going to tell them I hired a hooker to fuck the loneliness out of me. I would never live that down. "We met very recently," I said.

"How recent?" Sua pressed.

"Last night," I replied.

Siyeon gasped. "She was a one-night stand?" She swatted me. "Yoohyeon!"

Sua giggled and grinned at Siyeon. "Our girl is growing up."

Siyeon wiped a mock tear from her eye. "I know, but it's just so hard to watch them leave the nest."

Sua pulled Siyeon into a tight hug and stroked her hair. "There there," she crooned. Then she fixed her eyes on me again.

My stomach dropped. I had hoped their penchant for nonsense would distract them. Obviously, it had not.

I cleared my throat. "She's a girl I'm now seeing."

As I expected, Sua and Siyeon gasped.

"You mean she's your girlfriend now?" Sua squawked excitedly.

"I-I don't know," I said. "We only just started. Let's say we're just dating for now."

Siyeon took a sip from her coffee, then said, "Looks like we'd better start planning the wedding. What's her name?"

"JiU," I said.

"No surname?" Sua asked.

"I don't know it," I said.

Siyeon laughed. "What do you mean you don't know it?"

I felt my face redden again. "W-well, it wasn't exactly like we did a lot of...talking," I said, fidgeting.

Sua and Siyeon grinned at each other.

"Oooooohh," said Siyeon.

"We should totally have a double date," said Sua.

"Can you guys let that go for five- " I said.

"But we can't let it go. You finally have someone we can double date with!" said Siyeon.

"Gee, thanks," I muttered.

Sua placed her hand on mine. "Trust me, it'll be heaps of fun, and we'll finally get to know the sort of girl it takes to break down your walls."

She smiled her warm, motherly smile at me, eyes shining. Sua was genuinely happy. And I couldn't help but be a little happy myself, even if it was because of a lie.

I let out a long, slow sigh, and rubbed my eyes. "Alright," I said. "I'll ask her if she's okay with it."

Sua and Siyeon squealed and clapped.

"Our little Yoohyeon got some," Siyeon chanted in a sing-song voice, and unfortunately, Sua giggled and joined in.

"Our little Yoohyeon got some, our little Yoohyeon got some, our little Yoohyeon got some..."

I simply sat there, sipping the table's water, and ignoring the stares of onlookers to the best of my limited ability.

That night, I called JiU. After a few rings, she picked up.

_"Hi, Pink Princess JiU here, how may I service you?"_ she answered in that sultry voice of hers.

Immediately my mouth went dry. My throat caught as memories of last night rose unbidden in my mind. I felt hot, flushed. I felt a warmth between my legs. "Uh-I-um..."

I heard JiU giggle. _"Are you the cutie from last night? Yoohyeon, was it?"_

She remembered my name. "Y-yes, that's me."

_"You want to go another round? For you, I'd be more than happy to oblige."_

Stop it, I reminded myself, she's only doing that because it's her job. She doesn't like me. She doesn't like me. She doesn't like me. But my heart fluttered anyway.

"A-Actually...um...my friends think you're my girlfriend and want to double date with us this Saturday."

This time JiU let out a hearty laugh. _"They do? Well, it wouldn't be the first time."_

"So...I-I was wondering..."

_"If I provide the Girlfriend Experience?"_

"Yes." I swallowed again. My mouth was too dry.

_"I do. I get some people are ashamed of hiring a call girl."_

"No, no, I'm not ashamed! I think you're a great person, I would never be ashamed to spend time with you!" I blurted.

JiU chuckled again. _"That's very sweet of you to say. Of course I'll go on that double date. Standard rates apply, though."_

"Of course! I'll pay for however long it takes!"

_"Then I'll see you on Saturday, cutie. Text me the details." _Then JiU hung up.

Just like last night, I was left breathless, speechless, and with my head in a muddle.


	3. Diary 1: Entry 3

"Why are you wearing that?"

I looked up from my phone to see JiU strutting towards me in a striking red dress that showed just enough leg to make my throat dry.

"Why? What's wrong with it?" I said, gesturing to my jeans and jacket.

Jiu laughed. "Look at this place! It's cool, fancy, and - dare I say - romantic."

I blushed. Romantic? My mind automatically pictured me and JiU holding hands. Putting flowers in her hair.

Then I shook my head. No. Don't be silly.

"Well...I'm comfortable in this," I said. "Besides, Sua and Siyeon are already inside."

Jiu smiled warmly and held out her arm. "Alright. Let's head in."

I linked my arm with hers and let Jiu lead me into the restaurant. Jiu was right - it _was_ fancy. Gold lights glittered from the ceiling. Floor-to-ceiling windows sparkled with lights from the city outside. And the people - they were all so beautiful. The men, the women - the young were fresh and hot, the older were refined and elegant.

I spotted Sua and Siyeon waving at us from one of the tables. We headed on over.

It seemed like anxiety couldn't touch Jiu. Her smile was radiant as she said to my friends, "Hi! My name is Jiu, I'm sure you've heard about me." She pulled out the chair next to Siyeon for me. The corner of my lip quirked shyly as I sat down. Jiu took her place opposite me and next to Sua.

"It's a _pleasure_ to meet you, Jiu," said Sua. "I'm Sua and this is my girlfriend, Siyeon. We're Yoohyeon's classmates."

"A _pleasure_, is it?" prodded Siyeon with a playful smirk.

"Can't blame me. She's hot."

Siyeon propped her chin on her hand, focusing on Jiu. "She is. So how did you and Yoohyeon meet?"

My heart leapt to my throat. The notes I had given her. Did she remember the story?

Jiu brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and answered without hesitation. "She's my new English tutor. I saw her ad around the university and thought I could use the help." She gave a little self-conscious giggle. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen.

Sua gawked at me. "English tutor? How come we haven't heard? This one," she pointed at Siyeon, "definitely needs it."

Siyeon shot a warning look at Sua. "No head for you tonight if you keep that up."

Sua held up her hands in defeat. "Woah there, let's not be hasty."

I shrugged. "You guys hardly turn up to class. I'm not surprised you haven't seen the ads." I should probably make some ads.

Sua ignored the quip and focused on Jiu. "So. How did Yoohyeon _help_ you on Tuesday night?"

My face flushed red-hot and I shrank into my chair. Sensations flashed through me. Jiu's hands. Her legs. Her tongue. For a moment I could feel her on top of me. And with a shuddering breath, I broke myself out of my reverie.

Jiu answered with more forthright boldness than I was expecting. "We clicked so well we ended up sleeping together," she said.

I let out a loud cough, which drew the smirks of everyone at the table. Darn it. Even Jiu? I was _paying_ her!

Jiu took advantage of my shyness and traced a soft finger against my jawline. I remained stock-still like a deer in headlights. "And she was wonderful," she crooned.

"Ooooh," Sua and Siyeon teased, and then giggled.

Siyeon swatted my arm. "Yoohyeon, you naughty girl!"

"C-can we order?" I asked a little to loudly.

"You can order me later tonight if you like," Jiu replied, winking.

Sua burst out laughing. "Oh, I _like_ her. You picked a great one, Yoohyeon!"

I'm sure you can imagine how the rest of the dinner went. There were many jokes at my expense. Sua teased me. Siyeon teased me. And Jiu alternated between sweet and spicy. One moment she flirted, the next she was gentle and kind. I didn't know what to make of her. My head began to spin.

I had been worried my friends would expose Jiu's identity and the true nature of our relationship, but they were unfounded. She kept them well distracted with clever quips and questions that deflected focus from her and back onto Sua and Siyeon.

She did, however, provide some details. She has a little brother. Parents. She wants to be an idol, and is studying music and dance at university. After the dinner she offered me a deal: if I gave her free English tutoring, her rate would be discounted. Just for me. If she was going to be a performer, let alone an idol, English was going to be invaluable in earning her a place.

This woman was the most beautiful person I had ever met. I had lost my virginity to her on what would have otherwise been a long and lonely night, and now I couldn't stop thinking about her. What was I going to say? No?

Of course not.

One way or another, I was going to woo her. And now, I had the perfect opportunity to showcase my talent with language.


	4. Diary 1: Entry 4

"She walk to the school," Jiu said in hesitant English.

I shook my head, fighting my smile. "She _walks_ to the school," I corrected.

Jiu ruffled her hair and groaned loudly, attracting glances from other students in the library.

I placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay," I said in Korean, "everyone makes mistakes."

"I know," Jiu replied. "The conjugations get me every time. Why did they have to make up so many different versions of the same word? It's such a waste of effort!"

I let out a soft chuckle. "Honestly, I agree with you. But that's just the way English is. Full of nonsense rules that don't even follow themselves."

Jiu didn't reply. I watched her return her focus to the English exercise book before her. Her brow furrowed slightly and she began chewing on the end of her pen. I watched as the incandescence from the light above shone on her hair, making it glisten and sparkle like glace cherries in summer. So sweet. So beautiful. If only she were really mine.

I watched her lips as they silently worked their way through pronouncing the next sentence.

"I going home this evening," she said.

I grimaced. "_Am_ going," I corrected.

Jiu groaned again and let her head fall forward onto the desk with a thump. "I can't do this," she said in Korean.

My hand hovered over her back. Was this the part where I hug her and tell her it's going to be okay? I'd seen that sort of thing lots in dramas. But was it the right move?

I didn't have anything else to go on, so I went for it. I placed my arm around her shoulders and pulled her gently into a one-armed hug. She didn't pull away.

"You'll get there," I murmured. "I'll help you. Don't worry."

"No I won't," Jiu said, her voice muffled against the desk.

With my free hand, I began packing up her stationary. "Come on. Let's take a break."

Sullen, Jiu nodded and put her books into her bag. "Do you have anything in mind?"

"Why, yes. Yes I do," I said, grinning.

We made our way out of the library into the bright afternoon sun. It was well into Spring now and Jiu was understandably getting jittery for exams, despite the two months we still had left.

Jiu brushed her hair behind her ear and asked, "What's the plan?"

"Smoothies!" I replied. And when a smile blossomed on Jiu's face, my heart fluttered and burst all at once. My tongue went dry in my mouth. "U-um...may I, um...put my arm around your waist?" I asked.

"Of course!" she said, and before I could reply, she slid her arm around my own waist. I twitched, then melted and slid my own arm around her. Our bodies flush against each other, we walked in perfect synchrony to the student union complex.

It was loud and bustling and full of life. People buzzed this way and that. To tables. To benches. To bathrooms and shops.

I spied my favourite chain and made a beeline straight for it.

Jiu chuckled as I pulled her along. "Someone's excited."

I grinned at her. "It's the best smoothie you'll ever have. Ever. Trust me."

"I'm not sure if I should be happy or worried," she said.

I pouted. "You should be happy! I'll even pay for it."

Jiu planted a kiss on my cheek, leaving red lipstick and a blazing heat on my face. "Happy it is, cutie."

Her arm slid off me as we entered the line, and chill racked my body at the sudden cold. A fire lit in my chest. I had to kiss her. Touch her. Feel her writhing beneath me.

Then my breath caught. I returned to my senses, my head spinning. I forced myself to focus.

My eyes scanned the menu for the pinkest drink I could find, and settled for ordering a 'Watermelon Crush' for Jiu. For myself I ordered one with banana.

We sat on one of the benches and sipped our smoothies in silence for some time. A cool breeze drifted through the doors into the union building. It flitted by my face. I took a deep breath and savoured this moment. Cool sweetness on my tongue. A soft breeze around me. And the most beautiful girl in the world pressed against me, shoulder to shoulder.

After a while I asked, "How's the drink?"

Jiu grinned at me. "It's wonderful. But it still doesn't taste as good as you."

My heart quickened and the fire in my chest set my blood alight. "I want you," I blurted before my anxiety caught up with me. I expected to worry. I expected to care. But I didn't. I spoke the truth in my heart.

Jiu regarded my half-lidded gaze. I could've sworn I noticed a little flush on her chest. "So have me." Her voice was deep and husky. Once again, my dreams were about to come true.

I could feel my anxiety hammering away at me in the back of my mind. _What are you doing?_ it said. _You'll mess it up,_ it said. But it was held at bay by the fire in my heart. I was burning. I was yearning. There was nothing fear could do to me.

I clasped Jiu's hand in mine and gently pulled her up. After pressing a kiss against her cherry-red lips, I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her against me. I looked her square in the eye. "You're mine."

The corner of Jiu's lips quirked, her eyes dark and beaming. "I am yours," she whispered. "Please tell me what to do."

I smiled. "Walk with me."

Jiu complied without question. I walked her to my dorm. She didn't leave until dark. To whoever is reading this, I'm sure you know what happened. I still feel my insides quiver at the thought of it, so suffice it to say that...I had her. Atop me, beneath me, and squirming with joy. We kissed and cuddled and bit and fucked and did every naughty thing we could think of until we were both sweaty, panting, and utterly spent.

I treasure it still, so for now, let your imagination fly. I know mine did. And the best thing of all was the discount. I could maintain this for a while now without my parents questioning my expenditures. Call girls were expensive, especially ones like Jiu. But she needed my help to learn English and open the doors to her dreams. I was invaluable to her, as she was to me.

I wasn't sure how long I could keep lying about our relationship, but I didn't care. For now, this was enough. I went to sleep with a quiet heart, her smile etched behind closed eyes.


	5. Diary 1: Entry 5

After two weeks of knowing each other, Jiu and I settled into a rhythm. During the week, we worked. I tutored Jiu relentlessly and refused to let her give up. During the weekend, we played. A lot. As the time went by, I fell more and more in love with it all.

We kept this up for a solid month. I was in a haze of golden bliss. That is, until I saw something I wish I hadn't.

Spring was turning to summer. I sat outside a cafe, beneath the building's overhang, sipping an iced coffee with Siyeon and Sua. Rain pelted from the sky, smattering the ground with wet, heavy slaps.

We hid together, close enough to admire the atmosphere, but far enough to stay dry.

"We barely see you anymore," Sua pouted. "You should come hang out on Friday. We'll get the maths girls over too and make a night of it."

I shook my head. "I can't. I'm seeing Jiu that day."

Sua slapped the table. "Come on, you've been hiding your head between her legs for the last month now! It's like you've forgotten us."

I smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry. I really am. It's just..." I sighed, my shoulders slumping. "I don't have a good excuse, honestly. I know I haven't been the best friend lately."

"She's still in the honeymoon phase," Siyeon murmured to Sua, who nodded in agreement.

Sua cleared her throat. "Still. That doesn't mean she can keep ignoring us." She looked at me. "Come on Friday."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry."

Sua rolled her eyes and began replying, but my attention was drawn elsewhere.

Passing by the café was none other than Jiu herself, with all the radiance of a sweet cherry blossom.

She strode arm in arm with a tall young man who bore Jiu's red lipstick on his cheek in the form of a kiss mark.

The floor dropped out beneath me. I was choking. Who was that man? Why was she with him?

And like a bolt of lighting, a realisation shot through me - she's a call girl, so he must be her client. I had been fooling myself. I was also just a client. Nothing more.

My stomach churned and honey turned to acid in my mouth as images flashed through my head. Her and him, entwined. Him inside her, filling her with his...ugh.

I almost threw up. I couldn't think anymore.

Sua frowned. "Yoohyeon? Are you even listening to me?"

"Sorry, I have to go." I slapped some money on the table. "The bill is on me." Then I stood and hurried after Jiu, ignoring Sua's yelling voice.

I tailed the pair to the university car park. The man opened the car door for Jiu. My fists clenched. That should be me doing that. The man got into the driver's side and started the car.

Panic rose in my throat. What was I going to do? What could I do? Follow them all the way back to the man's place and watch them have sex? Disgusting.

No, I needed a plan. Sure, I was a client. But I wasn't just any client - I was Jiu's English tutor. That meant two things.

First, that I stood out from the crowd. I was special. I wasn't like the others.

And second, she needed me, which meant that I had a card to play.

As I stood there in the car park, sopping wet in the torrential grey, I decided it was high time I use it.

For the first time in my life, I had felt alive. Hell, I had felt _something_. And it was all because of Jiu. If I could win her heart and make her mine, everything would be perfect.

I made my way back to the café, possessed by purpose. Just to be sure, I texted Siyeon to check if they were still there. Luckily, they were.

When I arrived, I ignored Sua's baleful glare and sat down. "Forget Friday. We're going out dancing on Saturday. You two, me, and Jiu. We're going to have a double date to put the last one to shame," I said.

Sua's eyes softened slightly, but her body remained tense. She glanced at Siyeon, who shrugged. "We'd love to," said Sua, "but why the sudden change of heart?"

"Not that we're complaining," Siyeon interjected.

I smiled. "Because you're right. I haven't been spending as much time with you guys as I should have. But I don't see why I can't do that _and_ have fun with Jiu."

"Getting a bit greedy, aren't you? Three girls all to yourself?" Siyeon said, smirking.

Again I felt my anxiety in my mind. I felt its tendrils seeping through my body, threatening my hands to shake.

But I also felt my heart. It flared with desire. I thought of Jiu. Her cherry red lips and a smile like summer sun. What I had ached for on all those long and lonely nights was finally reachable. My anxiety stood no chance. I pushed forward.

My lips quirked into a smirk of their own. "I don't see why not. I'm woman enough for all of you."

Siyeon slapped the table and crowed. "Woah, look out - here comes Yoohyeon the pussyslayer!"

Sua smiled too, but she continued eyeing me. I could see the gears turning. What was she thinking?

In the end, she let it slide. But something had changed between us. I wasn't sure what it was.

The summer's humid warmth hugged me, and I shivered.


	6. Diary 1: Entry 6

Sex with Jiu was mind-blowing. It had been the best thing I'd experienced in my life. That was, until that Saturday night.

Sua, ever the life of the party, knew the best places to go. Her, Siyeon, Jiu, and I got absolutely drunk and danced the living daylights out of ourselves.

But there was something about the atmosphere that night that somehow made it transcend an ordinary night out. It was dark and cool. The air was electric. I saw the eyes Jiu made at me, and the looks that Siyeon and Sua gave each other. They were full of spark, of life, and passion.

Amongst the cool midnight blue and flashing lights, amongst the heat of dancing bodies pressed together, it began. Arms around my shoulders. Hips grinding on mine. Jiu's eyes shining through the darkness, and the sweet taste of fruit and summer on my tongue. We kissed each other, surrounded by people in our own little world. It was strangely quiet. All I could hear was my heartbeat. All I could feel was her.

That was when Sua made the call. Back to the apartment that she and Siyeon shared. Our little party would continue there, just the four of us.

We strutted our way back, down the streets and on train lines, our paths about as straight as we were. Jiu and I couldn't keep our hands off each other. Same went for my friends and their little world. One or two times they stumbled into us. Hands grabbing onto us for stability and support. At the time I thought nothing of it, but looking back I think that grabbing my breast is an odd way to find your footing. I was too drunk to care. Or too horny. Or both.

Surprisingly, we made it back without incident. Siyeon and Sua immediately collapsed on the couch, making out. Hands were roaming everywhere, and clothes were beginning to come off.

For the first time that night I felt a flash of hesitation, but Jiu pulled my attention back, in the best way possible.

What happens from there is something else. Never had I experienced anything like this before, and never have I since. But how can I describe it?

Okay, picture this. Their apartment door leads to a room that is both a kitchen and the living room, and there are two other rooms - the bedroom, and the bathroom.

To the right is where the couch is. That's where Sua and Siyeon are, kissing and feeling each other up and undressing each other.

Meanwhile, Jiu and I are still near the apartment's entrance. Her hands are around my waist, and her mouth is on mine. But it's not there for long. Soon, her lips begin to stray. Down to my jawline and following its line to my ear with wet, sloppy kisses. My heart flutters. I can guess where she's going. It only increases my anticipation.

But before she starts down my neck, she stops. I groan.

"Where's their bedroom?" she whispers in my ear.

"Just in that door on the right," I reply.

Jiu grins, eyes shining with mischief. "Let's take it before they can."

I grin back. "Sounds perfect."

Jiu drags me by the hand to Sua and Siyeon's bedroom, not bothering to close the door behind us, and falls back onto the bed. I yelp as she pulls me on top of her. We burst into giggles.

"I haven't topped you before," I murmur in her ear.

"That's why I'm so eager for it, baby," Jiu murmurs back.

Nothing more is needed for my pulse to race and feel warmth between my legs. I capture her lips in mine and strip my shirt and bra off with rough haste. I hear a small rip. It barely registers in my mind. I take off her pants and underpants. She takes off mine.

We are naked. I am on top of her. Her heat pulses through me. Warm flesh and gentle skin. I am kissing her. Her hands are on me, sending shivers down my spine. I lift my hips so I can slip my hands between her legs. Her eyes gazing into mine, she slips hers between mine.

I am gasping. I am moaning. And she is too. We are whole, and together. Sparks fly between each breath. As we move and pleasure each other, we are gazing at each other. I feel her in my heart, in my soul, deep within me.

"Jiu," I half-breathe, half-moan. "You're so beautiful."

She sighs and nips my lower lip. "So are you, baby."

I see stars behind my eyes. I feel her heart beat with mine. We are alone, and together. Until Sua and Siyeon stumble in.

They collapse onto the bed next to us, both naked. I yelp, but Jiu is grinning. Sua crawls over me and kisses Jiu. Jealousy flares in my heart, but before I can say anything, Siyeon is on me. She is kissing me with more force than Jiu does. More passion, more bite. There is no shyness as she explores my body with her hands, and then her mouth.

Before long, she is between my legs. Pleasure reverberates through me from where Siyeon is kissing. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Jiu and Sua kissing furiously. Jiu's hands are on Sua's breasts, playing with her nipples. Sua is moaning.

Then she shifts, and places one knee on either side of my head. Jiu shifts with her, and they continue their own little tryst.

Sua gently lowers herself onto my face. My heart is racing. I can't believe any of this is happening. Up until this night, I had _thoughts_ about my friends, but I never believed anything would actually happen.

Yet there we were. My two best friends and the call girl I was falling in love with. And for the first time in my life, I knew pure, unadulterated ecstasy.


	7. Diary 1: Entry 7

I woke in sweaty darkness in a tangle of bodies. Sua clung to me, her arms and legs all over me. As I opened my eyes, I saw Jiu's peaceful, sleeping face. She was angelic. I couldn't stop myself from pressing a soft little kiss against her flower-petal lips.

But I had to throw up, so with a pit of regret in my heart, I untangled myself and got out of bed. As soon as I stood, a headache pounded my head. I scrunched my eyes and swayed for a moment before blearily padding my way to the bathroom.

My tongue was dry and sticky in my mouth. But water would have to wait. I could already feel my stomach contents ascending. I collapsed onto my knees in front of the toilet bowl and hurled everything up.

It came in three fits of vomiting, and by the end of it I was sweaty and aching all over. That was when Jiu entered the bathroom. She was dressed again and held my clothes in her hand.

Dropping my clothes, she brushed my hair back and held it away from my face with one hand. With the other hand, she rubbed gentle circles on my back. It wasn't much, but it made the rest of my vomiting that little bit easier.

When I was done, she didn't say anything. Simply sat there with me on the cold bathroom tiles. I felt naked - and not just because I _was_ naked. Jiu had just seen me vomit. That was hardly attractive, and I doubted that'd do me any favours in winning her over.

But when I wasn't forthcoming with any words, Jiu spoke her own.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded through my headache. "Yeah. Just about."

She inched slightly closer and placed a tentative hand on mine. "It's okay if you aren't, you know. I'm not one to judge." Then she stood, and gently pulled me up with her. "Why don't we take a shower and talk about it?"

The corner of my lips quirked. Couldn't help it. "Will you be charging me for this too?" I said wryly.

Jiu's expression softened. "No, not for this. You need to process what happened last night."

I felt warmth flush through my chest and up to my cheeks, my body buzzing. I stepped into the shower and turned it on. Despite my fluttering heart and dry tongue, I smiled and said, "Come and join me, then."

Jiu smiled back. She stripped down and stepped in with me.

We showered together in comfortable silence. Jiu washed my hair. I washed hers. We used up an inordinate amount of Siyeon's body wash to lather each other up, and we half-cleaned each other and half-cuddled.

The water temperature wrapped around us, cooler than the surrounding air. It cleansed us and suffused us in our own little world. I could barely believe it was happening. Jiu was flush against me. I could feel her heartbeat, thumping in time with mine. She pressed a soft kiss against my lips. I sighed against her. I couldn't tell you why, but I felt..._comfortable_. 

"So," Jiu's voice eased through the sound of the shower, "how was last night?"

I remained silence for a few moments, thoughts running through my mind. What should I say? That it was mind-blowing? Better than anything I'd ever had? Or would that offend Jiu? I wanted to woo her, not belittle her. I didn't want her to think she wasn't good enough.

My thoughts were broken by Jiu's hand cupping my face. "Hey," she said, "don't think so hard. Just say your gut feeling. How was it?"

I smiled shyly. "It was incredible."

Jiu chuckled. "I bet it was."

"How was it," I began tentatively, "for you?"

Jiu grinned. "Just as amazing."

"I'm glad. And I'm glad you like my friends."

"Of course! They're hilarious." Jiu's expression turned more serious. "But was it too much for you? Last night, I mean."

I bit my lip. "No, it was...it was great."

Jiu's brow furrowed. "Are you sure?"

I nodded in earnest.

Jiu pulled me into a tight hug anyway. She held me like that, gently swaying under the cool, running water. I melted into her. This was the safest I had ever felt. My heart was raw, like skin after a scrape. But I was protected, and cared for, not abandoned in the street.

But I ached, still. Inside. There was so much. I didn't know what to say. My friends always meant well, but sometimes they forgot things.

Oh, Jiu. My Jiu.

What have I done?


	8. Diary 2: Entry 1

The following Wednesday, I sat with Jiu in her car. I had just concluded another private English tutoring session, and Jiu had grabbed my hand and dragged me to her car, saying that 'we need to talk'. Never fun words, right?

So I sat in her little hatchback, the shadows of leaves playing in the fading sun. If not for my stomach being up in my throat, I would have thought it beautiful.

Jiu's car smelled of her too. I took a deep breath and savoured it, my eyes closing as I recalled every pleasant memory I've had with her so far. 'We need to talk'. I was only just beginning to be happy. What was it now?

But when the first words she said were, "I'm worried about you," my heart did a somersault.

_Jiu_ was worried about _me_. I couldn't barely believe it. I turned my head to look at her, and I had to fight back a grin. Her face was serious. She was _worried_ about me.

"You've been quiet since Saturday," she continued, "which isn't normal for you. At least, not since we met."

I let my smile shine through and shook my head. "I'm okay. Thank you for worrying about me."

Jiu cupped my face, smiling sadly. "I know something is up. You've been eating less. You've been less talkative, less energetic...you're not yourself."

My smile faltered. "I- uh- I...I don't know what to say."

Jiu's left my face to gently take one of my hands. "You don't have to say anything right now. I'm guessing Saturday was great but a little much to take in at once. Am I right?"

I nodded, grimacing. "I don't want you to think I'm weak."

Jiu squeezed my hand. "Yoohyeon, you're _not_ weak, okay? You're allowed to regret things, or need time to process things, or whatever it is that you need right now."

I nodded again, my mind whirring. I didn't want to scare her off. Of course it was too much for me. A couple months ago I was a kissless virgin. And now I've had a _foursome_. While drunk. It would be an understatement to say that it was _out of the ordinary in my life_.

And the worst thing? Siyeon had posted drunken photos on her social media, and _my parents_ had caught wind of them. They spotted the girl I was kissing in the background. They have since been buzzing my phone with texts and missed calls. I didn't know what to say. What would they think of it? Me and a _girl_?

"I can see the cogs turning, cutie," Jiu said, smirking. "What is it?"

I let out a soft chuckle. "You...you're right. I- it- I- I'm not sure what to think right now." I sighed. "There's a lot on my mind."

"It's okay," said Jiu. "Want to grab a coffee? My shout."

Again, my heart leapt. Her shout. No fee. From the goodness of her heart. Did it mean something more too, or was I overthinking? Probably overthinking.

But my answer was clear. I nodded, smiled, and said, "Yes."

Jiu started her car and drove us to a cafe nearby. It was a quaint affair, with earthly wood and incandescent lights. And, of course, the best part: coffee. Its rich aroma suffused the atmosphere. I inhaled deeply as Jiu and I strode to the counter, a dreamy smile on my face.

Jiu giggled.

I started. "What is it?"

Jiu waved nonchalantly. "Just the look on your face. It was funny. And...cute."

"O-oh," I replied, blushing.

Jiu ordered a flat white. I ordered a latte, and I fidgeted as Jiu swiped her card for both coffees. She then lead us to a booth tucked away at the back of the cafe. Away from the street and the people around. Jiu already knew me so well.

We sat in comfortable silence until our coffees arrived. I sipped the froth with a loud slurp, and Jiu giggled again.

"Enjoying the coffee?" she quipped.

I nodded.

"I'm glad. So - what's going through your mind?"

I licked my lips and swallowed before saying haltingly, "I...Saturday was the best night of my life, but i-it was a _lot_ to take in."

Jiu nodded, looking at me seriously. I found it hard to meet her gaze, but she didn't seem to mind. She placed her hand on mine and continued looking at me expectantly.

I took a deep breath. "And Siyeon posted some photos online, which my parents saw. They saw a picture of you and me kissing. Now they think I have a girlfriend, and they want to meet you."

Jiu smiled. "Really? I do the girlfriend thing a lot, it's no issue for me. What's worrying you about it?"

I bit my lip. "What if...people find out? That you're a call girl and not my girlfriend? They'll think I'm pathetic."

Jiu frowned. "What? Why?"

I couldn't bear to look anywhere near Jiu. My eyes fixed on my fidgeting hands in my lap. "Because I'm so unattractive I had to resort to hiring someone to have sex with me," I said in a small voice.

"Look at me," Jiu snapped.

I hadn't heard that tone from her before. My wide eyes whipped up to meet hers. Her face was serious. Her eyes pierced right through me. I shivered.

"You are attractive," she said. "You are worth spending time with. If you hadn't hired me, it _would_ have happened. You're a catch, Kim Yoohyeon. Anyone would be lucky to have you."

My mouth gaped like I was a fish out of water.

"Don't argue with me on this."

I nodded, unable to speak. A warmth flushed through me, different from the one I usually felt with Jiu. This one was light and calming. Instead of a roaring fire in my heart, there was a soft sunlight after rain.

Then Jiu leaned forward and pulled one of my hands into both of hers. As she reached over the table, her sleeve pulled up. I caught a glimpse of purple-blue blotches on her wrist. My stomach dropped.

Who had done this?

Who had _dared_ to hurt Jiu? Sweet, kind, caring Jiu?

But frankly, I was too afraid to mention anything then and there.

Instead, I simply smiled and said, "Thanks, Jiu." Then I brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, my lips quirking into a little smirk. "By the way...are you free for another hour or two?"

Jiu smirked back, a twinkle in her eye. "How much money you got?"

I bit my lip. "More than enough, baby."

And once our coffees were done, we lost ourselves in racing hearts and quiet moans in my dorm room as the daylight faded to night.


	9. Diary 2: Entry 2

Again I was greeted with the words, 'We need to talk.' This time, they came from Siyeon.

We sat outside a lecture theatre. Students speckled the bright, modern hallway, leaning against the walls, sitting on the floor, either chatting or fiddling with their phones. Most, if not all of us, waited for the theatre to be free. The air conditioner was on in this building, thank heavens. I wasn't in the mood for sweat.

My eyes fixed on my fidgeting fingers, my mouth dry. I didn't want to start the conversation. Luckily, I didn't have to.

"So," Siyeon said, eyes on me.

I cleared my throat. "So," I said, not meeting her gaze.

Siyeon grabbed my hand in hers. I still didn't meet her eyes. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it," she said. She took a deep breath. "Sua and I saw Jiu making out with a man yesterday. She's cheating on you."

_That_ made me finally look up at Siyeon. Relief flooded through me. I thought it was something serious. And then a ball of anxiety formed in the pit of my stomach. How would I explain it? I had to think fast.

Blinking my eyes rapidly in feigned disbelief, I said, "You saw _what?"_

Siyeon's thumb stroked a reassuring pattern on the back of my hand. "I'm sorry, I really hate being the bearer of bad news, but it's true."

"What...what did you see?" I asked.

"I don't think- " Siyeon began.

"I _need_ to know," I pressed. "Please."

Siyeon was silent for a moment. Then she took a deep breath. "Alright. Sua and I saw Jiu the other day."

I simply stared and Siyeon. "And?"

"We saw her sitting with a man in a café. And they were...they were holding hands. Giggling. Making out." She took my hand in hers. "I'm really sorry, but I felt you had to know." Siyeon fell silent, searching my face for a reaction.

The first thing that flashed through me was relief. Tension whooshed out of me like air from a balloon. Then my muscles tensed again as I remembered that this would make no sense to Siyeon. Why would I be relieved? As far as she knew, I'd just found out about my girlfriend cheating on me.

So naturally I looked down at my lap. I sniffled. "No," I said in a low voice. "Not Jiu. She wouldn't."

Siyeon pulled me into a hug. "I know, I'm sorry." After a moment of quiet comfort, she pulled away. "You should talk to her," she said.

I merely nodded, my gaze still fixed down at my hands.

Siyeon raised an eyebrow. "Maybe ask to meet her?"

I sighed a deep, dramatic sigh. "Good idea."

Taking out my phone, I called Jiu's number and waited for her to pick up. I tried not to look at Siyeon. I could feel her looking at me anxiously. It made me uncomfortably self-aware. After a few rings, I was redirected to Jiu's message bank, whereupon her voice asked me to leave a message in such a way that my mind raced and a hot flush rose to my cheeks. Siyeon looked puzzled, but didn't mention it.

"No answer," I said.

"Don't worry about it," said Siyeon. "Try again later. I have to go to my lecture now, but if you need to chat just text me or Sua. Our phones are always on." She smiled.

I smiled back. Guilt curled in my chest. My lies didn't deserve her kindness. "Thanks. A lot."

"What are friends for?" Siyeon gave me one more quick hug and then she hurried into the lecture theatre, leaving me alone with my thoughts.


	10. Diary 2: Entry 3

The shining pearls of Jiu's laughter echoed through the air. "I'm sorry," she said, "they think I'm cheating on you?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, well...they don't know you're an escort, so..."

Jiu nodded. "True, true." Then she clapped her hands together and said, with a twinkle in her eye, "So, is that all you called me over for, or are you after something else?"

Jiu and I sat on my bed in my dorm. It was a Friday night, a night when everybody was out with their loved ones. Couples arm in arm. Groups of friends laughing and joking. Siyeon and Sua were also having a date night, which left me alone with nothing but my thoughts. Until Jiu, of course.

I smirked and replied, "Something else."

"How long would you like?" she asked.

I flicked open my wallet and flung notes of money into the air, showering Jiu with my family's wealth. "I've got all night, baby."

"Well, since we've got so much time," Jiu said as she picked up her backpack, "I think we should savor it."

I grinned. "What do you have in mind?"

Jiu unzipped her back and withdrew things. Things I had only ever heard about. Handcuffs. Rope. A gag. A blindfold. A dildo. A strap-on. The woman even had a light whip. My mouth dried up. My heart leapt to my throat. Oh my. Oh my goodness.

"Just relax and do everything I say," she said. "Leave your pleasure up to me tonight."

I gulped. "Y-yes."

She grabbed my chin and forced my eyes to meet hers. "That's 'yes, _mistress_' to you," she purred.

A shock and tingle rippled through my body. I shivered. "Yes, mistress," I breathed.

"Now take off your clothes." She didn't snap it at me, didn't demand it, but her voice brooked no argument. She smiled a mysterious half-smile with an enchanted gaze that I could lose myself in forever, and spoke her order as if it was the only possible course left in the universe. And, of course, it was.

I stood up and, before Jiu's hungry eyes, I undressed. I unzipped my jacket. I threw it to the floor. I removed my glasses. Then I pulled my t-shirt over my head and flung that aside too. I unclasped my bra, letting it fall. I wasn't particularly blessed, but Jiu drank up the sight all the same. Then I unzipped my jeans and pulled them down, struggling a little since they were as skinny as I am.

As I was about to pull down my panties, Jiu held up her hand. "Stop."

Jiu's eyes slid down to my groin area and slowly got on her knees before me. Then, grasping my panties with her mouth alone, she slid my panties down enough to reveal my trimmed pussy. When we'd first had sex it was entirely untended, barring bikini waxes, since I'd _never_ thought I'd lose my virginity. But now that sex was a regular occurrence I liked to keep it pretty. For Jiu.

She placed the most soft and tender of kisses on my pussy. I licked my lips. Then she stood. "Take them off," she said, gesturing to my panties.

I slid them the rest of the way down my legs with a big smile on my face. I couldn't help it. I had goosebumps. My nethers felt a rush of warmth. My breath grew quick. I was to give myself to her. To the woman I loved.

"Lie down on the bed. On your back."

I obeyed, almost trance-like in my blatant adoration for her. I gazed up at her as she straddled me.

"Hands above your head."

I raised my arms above me. Jiu grabbed my wrists and cuffed them to the head of my bed. Lightning bolt passion sparked in my chest.

Then Jiu hopped off and retrieved some rope. "Spread your legs."

I complied. I was totally bared for her. Defenseless. Vulnerable. And I loved it. "Mistress," I uttered, "I belong to you."

Jiu smiled that sunflower smile of hers. "Yes, you do!" She tied my feet to the end corners of my bed.

I thought with that my restraint was complete, but then Jiu pulled a blindfold from her pocket.

I began to giggle. "Mistress..." I said, breathless.

"Just relax, baby," said Jiu, her voice like honey. "I'm taking you for a ride tonight."

She tied the blindfold. The world went dark - then burst alight with pleasure and love.

I know I've had a foursome before, but it held not a candle compared to this, and I fell in love with Jiu all the more for it. Smart. Funny. Compassionate. And now this.

But my feelings threw into sharp relief one sobering fact - that she didn't give this to me alone. There was that man for one. A part of me whispered to leave it alone, to let go, but I ignored it. The jealousy churning my stomach as I went to sleep that night overpowered me.

I had to find out more.


	11. Diary 2: Entry 4

It was Saturday night when I decided to follow Jiu. No, don't say 'stalk', I wasn't doing that. I simply had to know more about who else she was seeing. If she was safe. I still remember the bruises I saw on her wrists. Those weren't the product of kindness; I was dead certain of that.

First, I met her for afternoon coffee and English tutoring. We were in the final weeks of the semester now. Study break and the coming exams cast their shadows across campus. Jiu was as anxious as anyone I had ever seen. Her knee kept bobbing, making the table jiggle. Her nails were trimmed short from incessant biting. And she became less and less forgiving of each mistake she made.

It came to the point where she threw down her pen and burst in to tears. "I can't do this," she blubbered into her hands.

I felt a pain tug at my heart. Oh, Jiu. My Jiu. I pulled her close and squeezed her tight, as if the pressure could eke all her misery out of her. "Shh, shh...everything's going to be alright," I murmured into her hair.

She sobbed into my chest for a few more moments before she replied. "How can you be so sure?"

I didn't immediately know what to say to that. My hand rubbed gentle circles on her back for a few moments before I answered. "Because you're you."

Jiu snorted and pulled away, smiling through her tears. "That was so corny."

I chuckled. My heart fluttered at her smile. "Right up your alley, then."

She shrugged. "That's true." Taking a deep breath, she refocused on the next practice test before her. "Okay. Let's do this."

Thankfully, the rest of the session passed without incident. She wasn't perfect, but she improved. Good enough for me.

All too soon, our time was up. "I have to go now," Jiu said. "I have to see a client soon."

I nodded, hoping she didn't see me gulp. "Alright, no problem. I'll see you soon."

She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, then smiled brightly as she waved. "See you!"

I watched Jiu as she left, bile rising up my throat. Who was she going to see? Whose hands would be all over her? Who would be kissing her? Loving her, while I'm not around?

I only noticed my nails digging into my palm when I felt a wetness on my fingers. I glanced down. Blood. Snarling, I smothered my palm with a tissue and got up to follow her.

From my tailing I discovered where she lived. An apartment in a poorer suburb. Paint flaked off the walls and metal fences were plagued with rust. I wondered if I should pity her. Did she enjoy what she did? Or was it out of necessity? Or was it both? Or was she being threatened? I didn't know, and I was too afraid to ask.

Then I followed her to her client's place. It was a house in a residential area complete with a small garden and garage. It looked like the client had a family. I hid in the bushes outside. Not my proudest moments, but I had to know. Who else was she fucking, and was anyone hurting her?

I watched as she was greeted by a man in a shirt with the top buttons undone. He beckoned her inside, and after several moments, a room upstairs lit up. The bedroom, presumably. He must have been caught up in the moment because he left the curtains open. I could see everything that was going on in that room. And to this day I regret that with all my being.

Because I watched as he pushed her down onto the bed. I watched as he took off her clothes and she took off his. And I watched, rooted with horror, unable to look away, as he pinned her wrists above her head, penetrated her, and fucked her like a rabid animal. My sweet, precious Jiu. She deserved tenderness and love. Not...whatever this was. I thanked whatever gods there were that he wore a condom. I don't think I could've taken it if he'd painted her with his semen. Yuck.

When they were done, I doubled over and vomited into the bushes. I was absolutely sick to my stomach. I wanted to scrub my mind with bleach but I saw it every time I blinked. I couldn't get it out of my head.

I remained crouched in my hiding spot as the man walked Jiu out of his house, down the front path, and too the sidewalk. She pecked him on the cheek as she waved him goodbye and smiled that sunshine smile of hers. Despite the circumstances, my heart still fluttered at the sight.

My view of Jiu was then blocked as the man decided to watch her walk away, sighing like a man admiring the sunrise. And then he sniffed the air.

"Ugh!" he exclaimed. "What the hell is that smell?"

I blanched. My vomit in the bushes.

He turned and looked right at my hiding place. My heart skipped a beat. I couldn't breathe. I dared not. He approached, sniffing the air and following the stench. I knew he spotted me when his eyes narrowed like spears through my skull.

"Whoever you are, come out or I'll drag you out," he growled.

I was frozen. My legs wouldn't obey me. My hands shook.

When I wasn't forthcoming, the man fulfilled his word. His hand dove into the bushes, grabbed my arm, and yanked me out. I tumbled onto his front lawn. Then he grabbed my by the front of my shirt and hauled me to my feet.

"Who are you, and why are you hiding outside my house?" he hissed.

"I-I-I," I stammered.

He shook me roughly. "I said, who are you?"

I flinched at the venom in his voice. "I-I'm her girlfriend."

The man frowned. "Whose? Hers? That prostitute's?"

"Y-Yes."

"Huh. I didn't know whores could be in relationships."

"She's not a whore!" I yelled, then yelped as the back of his hand cracked across my cheek.

"Keep it down! Why are you here? Did you see everything?"

"Y-yes, I did. She deserves better than you!" I spat in his face.

His face darkened. "You think she belongs to you? She'll do what I pay her for, and there's nothing you can do about it."

I yelled and aimed a kick at his shin. He grunted in pain. I pulled myself free from his grip.

His eyes burned with rage now. "You bitch!" He took a step forward. His fist slammed into my nose. It crunched, and blood spurted out of my nostrils. The force of his blow threw me off my feet. I landed on the sidewalk. My head smacked the ground. Hard. The world went dark for a moment, then faded back into focus in a swirl of stars.

The man crouched looking down his nose at me. "Don't ever come to my house again. If you do, you'll get worse than this." Then he stood and went back inside.

I simply lay there on the cold, hard concrete, blood flowing down my face and throat, my head pounding, and only one thought in my mind:

What have I done?


	12. Diary 2: Entry 5

The next week passed as normal. I tutored Jiu. Jiu fucked me out of my mind. I continued my studies, and made silly jokes with Siyeon and Sua. There was only one thing out of place: I couldn't get last Saturday out of my mind.

Every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was her and him through the window of that bedroom. His hands pinning her wrists. His...thing pushing inside her. Every time I saw it, it made me sick. My pulse spun out of control. My focus shattered. It even took explicit reminders from my friends to ground me in reality sometimes.

But I was fine, really. Perfectly fine. Until that phone call on Friday night. From Jiu. From the emergency department. My heart dropped to my feet, and I dropped everything else to rush to the hospital.

When I arrived, I found her lying propped up in one of the beds. She had an IV line in and was snuggled into some blankets. The standout feature, however, was her face, but not in the usual way. Her eyes were blotched with black and blue. There was a bandage around her head.

I ran to her side. "Jiu!" I cried. "Jiu, are you okay? What happened?"

She didn't smile when she saw me. "I'll be fine," she said. "The doctors said I'll recover."

I knelt and wrapped her hand in mine. I placed a soft, tender kiss on her knuckles. "I'm sorry, but...you don't look okay."

Jiu eyed me for a few moments, then answered. "No, I'm not." Her voice was tight. Was it because of pain or something else? "I...had a minor concussion. Some bruising around my eyes - I'm sure you guessed that one. I did bleed a fair amount from the head wound so I'm still a bit woozy."

I stroked her hair behind her ear and gently caressed her cheek. "Oh, Jiu. My Jiu," I whispered, my eyes shining.

For the life of me I couldn't think of why her gaze was so cold.

"Please, say something. I'm worried," I said.

"You're worried, are you?" she said.

I nodded. "Mhm."

"Is that why you followed me last Saturday?" she asked, an innocent lilt in her voice.

My mouth went dry. "I-I did what? I didn't follow you."

That's when her expression turned rock hard. "You're going to sit there and deny it when this," she pointed at her blackened eyes, "happened to me?"

I gulped. "I...I don't know."

Jiu scoffed. "You don't know? You're such a coward!"

I flinched at her harsh tone. "P-please, just tell me what happened," I asked, my voice trembling.

Jiu sighed. "That client you saw me with? He told me that he caught you outside. He told me that you said you were my girlfriend. And the worst bit? You, my supposed girlfriend who apparently has it out for him, knows where he lives." By the end of her sentence, her voice dripped with venom.

"I- wh- what's the problem with that?" I asked.

"You violated his privacy!" she hissed. "I'm a professional! I keep my clients' secrets! It's what everyone deserves. It's what you," she jabbed her finger at me, "deserve! Weren't you the one worried about what her friends would think about hiring a call girl? Would you like it if I blabbed about that?"

I shook my head. "N-n- "

"Shut it," Jiu snapped. "You stay out of my business. You and I are done. Your idea of friendship is...wrong." Jiu was shaking her head. "So wrong."

"Can- can I still hire you?"

Jiu scoffed. "No. You idiot."

Everything was all wrong. But there was one thing I had to confirm. "How...did your injuries happen?"

"That client punched me and I smacked my head on the wall. I'm done with him too."

Despite the situation, a part of me was elated. "Shouldn't we call the police? He hit you! That's not okay."

Jiu gave me a withering look. "I'm a sex worker, Yoohyeon, and he knows it. If I talk to the police, so would he."

I didn't know what to do nor what to say. I simply remained kneeling by her bedside. My head was bowed in penance.

After several beats of silence, Jiu looked back at me. "Why are you still here?"

"I care about you," I said.

Jiu's face softened a bit then. "If you care about me, then please leave. I need space."

I nodded. "Alright." With a heavy heart, I stood. "If you ever need anything at all, my phone is always on."

I left her bedside. Despite the desperate urge, I did not look back. But I couldn't stop the tears from falling.


	13. Diary 2: Entry 6

This man had ruined everything. And now I was going to ruin him. I sat crouched in the bushes outside the man's house. It was the dead of night, almost 2am. After seeing what he had done to Jiu, he could not go unpunished.

I'd immediately returned home from the hospital to prepare myself for this. I was now outfitted in black jeans and hoodie, along with a black face-mask and black cap. And to complete the picture: a baseball bat. But I hadn't yet figured out what I was going to do with it.

At first I thought I would bash the man's head in, but that thought quickly fled. No matter how angry I was I don't think that's something I could ever do. But would I still beat him with this bat? That second thought danced around my mind as I set myself up outside his house and waited. But I had been waiting for an hour or two now. I didn't want to wait much longer.

One car still remained in the man's driveway, but the house wasn't empty. The bedroom light was on, so I assumed the man's wife was home and awake. Probably waiting up for her scum of a husband.

As I thought about the wife, the anger drained from my muscles. She didn't hurt Jiu. Her children didn't do anything. Only the husband was in the wrong. If I damaged the car or the property, I would be attacking the _family_. And that was a line I didn't want to cross.

So, with a heavy sigh, I stood up and abandoned my vigil from behind the bushes. I strolled away down the street, swinging my bat idly through the summer night's breeze. I had to think of something smarter. A way to make the man pay for what he did, and a way to win Jiu back as well. But to succeed, I would need every advantage I had. Money. Smarts. _My friends._

My stomach dropped. My friends. I'd have to tell Sua and Siyeon the truth. They would finally know how pathetic I really was. I would never live it down.

I propped the baseball bat against a bin before I made my way into the subway station.

A familiar feeling seeped through my veins. Self-loathing. In the end, it was money. That's what it took to get someone in bed with me. The more I opened my mouth, the less people stuck around; and the less I opened my mouth, the less people noticed me. It was a no-win equation. I lost no matter what.

On top of that, everything had been going so well for Jiu until she met me. Now she'd come to harm because of _my_ actions, and I'd violated her privacy to boot. I was..._despicable_. I _hated_ myself in that moment, more than ever.

The lights of the subway lit the tracks as it approached, and the thought crossed my mind that it would be so easy to simply take a few steps forward and solve all my problems. Once and for all.

But I hesitated for too long. The subway pulled up. The doors opened. Like a leaf on a river I drifted aboard, my gaze listless and empty as if I had already died.

A while later I found myself in my dorm room. In the dark. Alone. I sent a message to Siyeon and Sua. And then I collapsed into a dreamless sleep, too tired to feel anything anymore.


	14. Diary 3: Entry 1

When I woke, my phone was flooded with messages from Siyeon and Sua asking me what I had to tell them. I groaned and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. This was not going to be pleasant.

Dread weighed down my limbs as I got ready to go out. What would they think? What would they say? Would they hate me? Think I'm shameful?

I left my dorm and made my off-campus to our usual cafe. Normally this walk filled me with calm. Everything was normal. People went about their business on the streets. The sun shone and cast its brilliance over the world around me. It should have been a beautiful day.

The cafe came into view. Sua and Siyeon sat at our usual table outside. They already had their drinks. Their eyes widened as they spotted me, waving for my attention. I steadfastly avoided eye contact and headed straight for the counter. An iced Americano. Nice and bitter.

I took a deep breath and braced myself. This was not going to be pleasant.

I sat at the table.

"Yoohyeon?" said Siyeon. "Are you okay?"

"Why aren't you looking at us?" said Sua.

At that I decided to force my eyes to meet theirs. I gulped. "I..." I began. My voice died in my throat.

I took a deep breath, then tried again. "I have a confession to make. About Jiu."

Sua and Siyeon glanced at each other.

"What is it?" said Sua.

There was no pleasant way for this to go. I had to simply rip off the band-aid. "Jiu isn't my girlfriend," I blurted, almost throwing up in the process.

My friends gasped. Siyeon's hand covered her mouth. "You guys broke up? Because of her cheating?" she asked, wide-eyed.

"No, it's not that. We were never together," I said.

Shocked expressions turned to confusion.

"What do you mean?" Sua asked, frowning.

"She's a call girl. A prostitute," I said.

"But...why?" said Siyeon. "Why did you hire her?"

"Because I was lonely, okay?" I snapped.

Sua recoiled and held up her hands, as if calming a wild animal. "Woah, we're only curious."

I looked down at my hands, heat rushing to my face. "I'm sorry," I said. I took a deep breath before looking back at my friends. "I just...you guys don't get it, okay? Do you know what it's like for me to sit here, day in and day out, watching you two be lovey-dovey with each other while I get to be the third wheel? Time and time again I've tried to ask girls out, but they're either straight, taken, or totally not interested in me."

Siyeon smiled at me with eyes full of pity. "It's okay, Yoohyeon, you'll- "

"Find someone?" I snapped. "No, I won't. I'm sick of that line. I'm sick of going home alone. I'm sick of curling up in bed with nothing but a gaping emptiness in my chest. I had to know what it felt like. To be wanted. To be touched. To be loved. And now I do." A wicked smile had worked its way onto my face as I spoke, and I suddenly became conscious of it.

I must have looked mad, because Siyeon and Sua exchanged a glance before gazing at me askance.

"No, you don't," Sua said, as if talking to a child. "She's a professional. You hired her to do that. She's just acting."

"No, she- " I sucked a deep breath in, "I tutor her for English. We don't just fuck, we hang out and have fun like that too."

Siyeon raised an eyebrow. "So...you're friends?"

"Yes, but I like her," I said.

Sua simply shook her head, lips pursed.

"It must be an easy trap to fall into," Siyeon said, her voice gentle, "but Sua is right. She's a professional. Beyond friendship, I really doubt there's anything there."

"Whatever," I huffed. I leaned back and crossed my arms. "I'll win her over."

Siyeon shook her head. "No, you won't."

"Come on, you're supposed to be my friends and support me!" I said.

At that, Sua scoffed. "Are you kidding me? We _are_ your friends, that's why we're telling you to let this go!"

I stood up. "Forget it. I'm out of here." I turned and strode away, biting my lip and ignoring the way Sua and Siyeon called my name.


	15. Diary 3: Entry 2

I knew I couldn't stalk Jiu to her house again. If I wanted to make up with her (and then make out, hopefully), I had to find her at uni. I waited several weeks before I decided to approach her. She was hurting. I was, rightfully, the person she was most angry at. I had to let her cool down. Talks of exams had begun to pervade the campus when I decided to make my approach.

Thankfully, I was well familiar with the classes Jiu was in. All it took was loitering outside one of her lectures until it ended, and waited for her to file out with the rest of the students.

Jiu's eyes narrowed the moment she saw me. I gulped, my heart up in my throat.

"H-hi..." I said.

When she didn't stop, I hurried into step beside her.

"I-I bet you're still angry, huh?" I said with a nervous chuckle.

Jiu threw a haughty glare at me, then turned her nose up at me.

"I'm here to apologise," I blurted out, before Jiu could run away.

That got her attention. She came to a stop and faced me properly, eyebrow raised. After a few beats of silence I realised she was waiting for me to speak.

"What I did was wrong. I violated your privacy, which was unacceptable and I will never do it again," I said, my eyes misting. A pause, then I bit my lip and added in a small voice, "I never wanted you to be hurt. I swear."

Jiu eyed me speculatively. I searched her expression for a hint of her thoughts, but there were none. She was a blank slate. 

Moment by moment, time crawled by. Sweat dewed on the nape of my neck. My thoughts raced. What if she said no? What if she cursed me out of here? What if I never got to see her smile again? Hear her laugh?

I was almost ready to burst when Jiu finally gave her response: "Okay. I accept your apology."

I blinked, my mouth open in a silent 'o'. Clearing my throat, I said, "So...can we, uh, keep on...y'know..."

"Fucking?" Jiu interjected. "Sure!" Then she strode off before I could get another word past my throat. That woman made my head spin.

Despite my confusion, my horniness took the forefront. I called her that night. My panties were wet before she even arrived.

But things did not go as I expected. The one word to describe it? Empty.

It was empty.

All the kisses, all the touches, they were perfect as always. But that's exactly it.

They were too perfect. Jiu was cold, calculating, and precise with her work. Like clockwork she wound me up and set me loose over and over until I was gasping her name into her neck.

But the gazes were gone. The whispers. The giggles. She was here, but she wasn't. I was lost in my heart.

This wasn't right. I had really screwed up. And as I lay there alone afterwards, panting and sweating, I swore I would do everything I could to earn her trust back.

No matter the cost.


	16. Diary 3: Entry 3

It was a Sunday night. I was in my room preparing a gift for Jiu. Earlier that week I had gone to a market and bought a cute, little basket that now sat on my desk. Inside was a plush bunny and a box of choco-pies. I knew what she liked.

And to top it off was the card. I had just applied my finishing touches - pink ink, glitter, the _works_ \- when I heard a knock at my door.

Sighing, I stood and opened the door. Sua and Siyeon shoved past me into my room. I closed my door behind them.

"Alright," I said, "to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Sua plopped herself down on my bed and crossed her arms, her features stone cold. "You're not answering your messages or your phone, and you're not turning up to lectures. You're not at the cafe, or the uni food court. You've dropped off the face off the earth." By the time she'd finished speaking, Sua's voice had risen to a shrill screech.

"Argh! Keep it down, will you?" I groaned.

"No, she won't," said Siyeon. Then In a softer tone, she said, "We're just worried, okay? You've been acting really strange."

"It's Jiu, isn't it?" Sua demanded.

I pursed my lips and looked anywhere but her face.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Sua stood and strode to my desk. "What's all this, huh?"

"Gifts for Jiu," I murmured.

Sua cupped her ear. "What? I can't hear you."

"They gifts for Jiu," I snapped.

"Come on, Yoohyeon, she's a _call girl_, she _doesn't love you_," Sua bellowed.

"What do _you_ know?" I yelled back, tears forming in my eyes.

Siyeon jumped between us and gently pushed us away from each other. "Okay, okay, let's all just...take a step off the accelerator. Sua, honey?" she pouted at the shorter girl. "Can you sit back down for me?"

Sua crossed her arms for a few seconds, then harrumphed. "You know that always works..." she muttered bitterly and complied.

Siyeon looked at me with less warmth. "Can you too, please?"

I sighed, nodded, and sat on my bed leaving a space between me and Sua.

"Yoohyeon, why do you think Jiu loves you?" Siyeon asked gently.

I bit my lip and fidgeted my fingers in my lap. "Because...she's nice to me. Really nice. And she's attentive. It's like she can read my mind."

"You don't exactly make it hard," Sua called out.

"Shush!" Siyeon hissed, then looked back to me.

After a moment, I continued. "And...we hung out outside of the, uh...you know..."

"The sex!" Sua called out again, this time smirking.

Siyeon shot a glare. "Behave!"

Sua merely smiled and blinked coyly up at Siyeon. "Okay," she said breathily.

Siyeon pinched her brow.

"And also this!" I said.

Siyeon and Sua looked at me askance.

"This is...I...I have to see this all the time. I just...really wanted to know what it felt like for someone to look at me like that. To know what love feels like. And Jiu does!

Sua placed her hand on mine. "But Yoohyeon, we _do _love you. You're our best friend."

"I know, an-and _please_ don't think I don't appreciate that. I do. You guys are the best friends anyone could ask for, I just..."

"Didn't want to miss out," Siyeon finished for me.

When I gathered the courage to look back up at her, I saw that there was no pity. Only affection.

And the tears I'd been holding back finally fell.

My friends rushed in and held me tight. I cried into their shoulders as they rubbed my back and whispered sweet nothings to me. My heart was so full. It was warmer and gentler than anything I had felt with Jiu. Jiu was great, but...it wasn't this.

Everything finally clicked into place. This was what I needed.

After a long while, we pulled apart.

"You know what you have to do, right?" Sua said. This time, she said it gently.

I shook my head.

"You have to apologise to her. For real this time. If you really love her, _show_ her that you respect her for _who she is_, not just for what she makes you feel. Even if she doesn't feel the same way."

I swallowed, but I steeled myself and nodded. "I will."

Siyeon smiled a reassuring smile. "It's not going to be easy, but you're doing the right thing."

"And you already have the perfect apology gift," Sua said, gesturing at my desk.

My eyes followed and I grinned. It _was_ a good gift.


	17. Diary 3: Entry 4

Pleasure coursed through me as Jiu's fingers played me like a fiddle. Her mouth on mine. One hand on my breast. Fingers inside me. And stars exploding behind closed eyes.

Then she gently worked me down from my orgasm with expert precision until I came to, breathing deeply, and gazing into her eyes. A smirk was beginning to form on her lips, but she quickly pulled away and went to the bathroom.

Now was my chance.

I hopped up and tiptoed to my wardrobe to retrieve the gift basket I had prepared.

My bathroom door was opening when I jumped back onto my bed.

"You're done already?" I grinned up at her, half out of breath.

She gave a bemused smile. "You mean...you don't want a second round this time?"

I blinked. Of course I'd forgotten how...greedy I usually was. "Uhmm..." I fidgeted with my fingers.

Jiu came to the bed and sat down opposite me. "What's all this?"

"I-I need to...talk to you properly," I uttered, looking everywhere but her eyes. At the back of my mind, I noted that we were both still naked. The irony that _that_ was not the cause of my nervousness did not escape me. How things changed.

Jiu frowned. "What is it? And what's with the basket?"

I took a deep, shuddering breath before I answered. "First, I have a confession to make. I...I l-like you. R-romantically, I mean."

With a colossal effort, I met her eyes, awaiting her reply. There was a beat of silence.

Then, Jiu chuckled. "I know, silly. I've known the whole time."

I swallowed. "Y-you did? How?"

This time she let out a hearty laugh. I shrank away a little, heat suffusing my cheeks.

"Of course I did!" she said. "You weren't subtle about it. Speaking of which, I also have a confession."

I lifted my eyes again. "W-what?"

"I used that to make sure you kept hiring me," she said.

"I-I figured, it's just..." I took another deep breath. "I wanted to say I'm sorry. For thinking that was a valid reason to violate your privacy. No crush is worth that."

Jiu's expression became unreadable. It was pleasant. Polite. But her eyes showed nothing. "I take it that's what this basket is for?"

I nodded.

She reached out a hand and pulled it towards her. "Thanks." But her eyes remained on me. She frowned quizzically. "I'm glad you see why I was so mad."

My eyes fell back down to my fidgeting hands in my lap.

"One thing I don't understand," she continued, "is why you're not saying anything. You did hear me tell you I used your feelings for my own gain, right?"

I nodded, eyes still fixed downward. "I heard. But I don't mind, really. Deep down, some part of me always knew." A moment of silence. Then I gazed directly into Jiu's eyes. She was transfixed. "Nobody would ever like me like that. There is _always_ a catch. What's important is that my conscience is clear. I have done right by you and by me. The question now is...why did you bother telling me that? Did you want to hurt my feelings?"

Now it was Jiu's turn to look away. "N-no, I..."

"Did you think you're the first person to come along and try to pull the rug from under me like that?"

"That's not it!"

But I pressed harder. "Who the hell do you think you are to try and pull something like that?"

Jiu was close to tears now. "It's because I felt sorry for you! You had the courage to be honest with me, so I felt I owed you the same!"

"Enough!" I barked. Then I continued in a dangerously soft tone. "It doesn't matter to me how you feel because you do what I pay you for."

She scoffed. "As if. I can drop you as a client. Just. Like. That."

I twirled my hair in my finger. "So that's why you were so quick to accept a halfhearted apology from me before? Because you..._didn't_ need the money?"

Jiu glared. Hard. "That's too far."

"No_._ I'm _done_ being played with." We simply glared at each other for a solid few moments before I crossed my arms. "Get dressed and get out. Call me if you're short on cash. Oh, and," I smiled, "good luck on your English exam."

Jiu said nothing as she put her clothes back on. And I noticed her split-second hesitation before she snatched my apology basket and whisked it with her out the door.

My heart thudded in my chest. But had successfully stood up for myself. I should have felt proud. But all I wanted to do was cry.

So I did.


	18. Diary 3: Entry 5

I had no time to process what had happened. Exams were upon me and I had to be ready.

Truthfully, I had kept up with the material during the semester. I already knew it all well enough to get a distinction at least. All that was left to do was revision - run myself through drills and exercises until I could teach the material in my sleep.

In a time like this, Sua and Siyeon were hindrances more than anything else. They didn't have enough focus. I shut myself off from them as I prepared. My days were consumed by my notes, caffeine, and the dark of my room. I left only for food.

But it was all worth it. When my exams came, I was ready. Each question was something I'd seen before. I finished each paper long before time was up.

During my English subject exam, I spotted Jiu's red hair at a desk ahead of me and a little to the right. Jiu bit her pen, ruffled her hair, and at one point, let her head fall against the desk in despair. Bitter satisfaction drew a smirk on my face before I glanced at the clock and refocused. 

Only once exams were done did I tune into the group chat with Siyeon and Sua.

_Sua: You're all done, right?_

_Siyeon: Yeah, she's done. I saw her liking a bunch of stuff on Twitter._

_Sua: We gotta celebrate being free! _

I typed my response.

_Yoohyeon: What celebration did you have in mind? :)_

_Siyeon: She is a l i v e!_

_Sua: Should we hit the town?_

_Yoohyeon: I'm really sorry, but could we just have some drinks at your place? You guys might not have studied hard but I'm beat! I promise we can go out next week. :)_

_Sua: Of course! Be here at 7pm sharp, tree._

_Yoohyeon: Yes, ma'am!_

I was, in fact, so sharp that I arrived five minutes early to the door of Siyeon and Sua's apartment, a cheap bottle of wine in hand. Jiu would have liked that joke. A pang shot through my chest, but I shook my head and plastered on my most convincing smile. Tonight was meant to be fun.

My knuckles had barely touched the door when it swung open, revealing a grinning Siyeon and Sua, tangled in each other's arms. They yanked me in and shut the door behind me.

We laughed and drank and binged bad movies, but my friends kept throwing glances my way. They sensed something was off. At the end of the night, when our buzz was beginning to wear off, they made their move.

They were curled up together on the couch. I was on a beanbag alone. Always alone.

Sua propped her elbow on the arm of the couch and said, "So. What happened, Yoohyeon?"

My heart leapt to my throat, but I shrugged. "Exams," I said, not meeting her eyes.

Sua rolled her eyes. "Just stop. We're getting tired of this 'nothing's wrong' routine. You're not as smarty-pants as you think you are."

That stung. A flush rushed to my face. I bit my lip. "Jiu and I exchanged...words."

Sua hummed. "What words?"

There was no getting around it. Right now my life felt like it _only_ had difficult conversations.

I forced my words through my teeth. "I admitted my feelings for her and apologised for all of it. And then I gave her the gift. Then she said," I took a short breath and clenched my fists, "she said that she knew all along. And she's be-been _using_ that to keep making money off me."

Sua simply gazed at me with pity. It made my skin crawl.

"What?" I snapped. "You were right, okay? She's a call girl. She feels nothing for me. She only does what I pay her for."

"It must be hard," Sua said gently. After a moment, she asked, "Are you still seeing her?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I taunted her about her financial situation. It hit a nerve. But I know that this time, _she's_ going to call _me._"

Sua recoiled at the venom in my voice.

But it was Siyeon who spoke this time. She leaned forward so she could make eye contact with me. Her concerned eyes were the same as Sua's. "Yoohyeon...this isn't like you."

I crossed my arms. "I don't care. I'm so tired of feeling powerless. And now I'm not."

"You've never been powerless," said Siyeon. "Sua and I have spent _years_ trying to help you see that."

"What, you mean go gallivanting off with each other or with people I don't even know?" I said.

Sua frowned. "Now, that's not fair."

My heart sunk. This time I couldn't stop the tears from falling. "Life isn't fair." I grabbed my empty wine bottle and walked to the door. "Goodnight. I..." I hung my head, "...I'm sorry."

Closing the door ever-so-gently, I gazed wistfully at my empty bottle. Maybe I needed more. I just needed a way to not be me anymore. At least for a while.


	19. Diary 3: Entry 6

What I did that night...I still feel a sense of shame. Even now, as I write this entry. I'm not sure I actually want to write it down. But if I want people to understand, I don't really have a choice, do I?

How do I go about telling it, though? I suppose I'll start from when I left Sua and Siyeon's apartment, empty wine bottle in hand, and a desperate desire for escape clawing its way out of my heart and tearing it to shreds.

Yes, I'll start from there.

From there I made a beeline straight for Hongdae. There were many good clubs there. It was perfect for an escape. I selected one that, pardon my language, looked like absolute shit.

Its pink neon sign was flickering and fading away. People who were already drunk milled their way in and out of the club. There was a tall, sturdy bouncer in a suit at the entrance letting a line of people in at a trickle, occasionally shaking his head and dismissing those who could barely stay on their feet. I joined the line and when I eventually reached the door, I was promptly let in. I suppose young women were high value patrons for a trashy place like this.

The inside was about what I expected. It was stuffy, hazy, crowded and loud. The din of chatter eliminated what gaps were left between the heavy, obnoxious thumps of bad club music. After a few moments my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I squeezed my way through the crowd and plopped myself down at the bar.

Immediately, I ordered three shots of vodka. The bartender raised an eyebrow, but complied without comment. He must've seen my expression. I downed them, one after the other, without hesitation, and grimaced as the liquid burned its way down my throat. It almost came right back up. Almost.

On an empty stomach, the alcohol hit me fast. The room spun slightly and everything blurred into a gentle haze.

A voice sounded next to me. "Woah, is everything alright?"

I looked and my heart fluttered. A woman had taken the seat beside me. She was absolutely stunning. Her silky black hair tumbled down over her shoulders, framing a face so delicate that it must have been carved by the heavens. Highlighted through the haze by the club's flashing lights I thought she couldn't have been real.

But she was.

I nodded dumbly. "Y-yeah...mostly. It's been a rough night."

The woman smiled. "I know what that's like."

I didn't know what to say. "I bet you do."

She chuckled. "And I know what makes it better."

I raised an eyebrow, beginning to mirror her smile. "Do you?"

She placed a gentle hand on my arm. It sent an electric shock through my system. "Of course," she said.

Her name was Gureum. We chatted about this and that for a short while, but we both knew what she had approached me for.

It wasn't long before, for the first time ever in my life, I was taken by the hand and led out of the club.

Gureum pushed me into the brick wall of an adjacent alleyway, shoving her mouth on mine. Her tongue thrust past my lips. A moan escaped my throat. The sweet heat of alcohol was heavy on her breath. Loud smacking sounds escaped as I kissed her hard and fast. I drank her in like a parched woman in the desert.

Then I flipped the script and pushed _her_ against the wall. My hands roamed all over her body. She gazed at me with half-lidded eyes.

"Touch me," she breathed.

My hand slipped under her skirt, rubbing her thighs. She nuzzled into my neck, tracing wet kisses and tongue across its arch. My fingers brushed her panties. They were damp. I rubbed gentle circles. She ran her fingers through my hair. Tingles ran down my spine. Impatience stirred in me. I slipped my fingers under her panties and stroked her folds. Her wetness slicked my fingers. My thumb began tracing gentle circles on her clit. Gureum moaned into my ear. A thrill echoed in my chest. I wanted more. I began to ease two fingers inside.

She gasped. "Yes, yes, fuck me, please!"

"Gureum?" A stranger's voice pierced the veil. My head whipped around to look at the alley's entrance. There stood a short woman whose face was shifting from confused to angry. "What's going on?"

After a split-second hesitation, Guruem's demeanour switched. Her face scrunched up and tears fell from her eyes. "Dasom!" she cried, "help! She's...she's forcing herself on me!"

I glared at Guruem. "What?" I snapped. "I am not. You _asked_ for this."

I didn't get to say much else before I was spear-tackled by about fifty-five kilograms of rage.

We tumbled onto the alley ground. Bits of trash dug into my back as this 'Dasom' pinned me down and punched me hard in the face. Pain exploded behind my eyes, the world going black for millisecond.

"Never touch her again!" Dasom growled.

I simply snarled and slapped her face. She yelped. Using the distraction, I thrust my minimal body weight against her and heaved her off me. I punched her nose. A crack resounded from both her nose and my knuckles. We both cried out. Blood began to dribble from her nose.

Dasom threw another punch at me, but I caught it and rammed my knee into her groin. She doubled over. I tackled her. We fell on the ground again. I was on top of her now, my hands around her neck. Tried to yank them off. Unsuccessfully. Gureum _lied_ to me. And now this _idiot_ wanted to hurt me.

"Your girlfriend is cheating on you," I hissed. "You shouldn't have attacked _me_."

But the venom in her glare told me she didn't believe me. So I began to squeeze, tears seeping from my eyes. I hated her. I hated Gureum. I hated everything.

I hated _myself_.

Dasom's breath began to rasp and gag as she fought for air, her hands thrashing at my face. I grimaced, but didn't relent. I swear on my life, I only wanted to knock her out. I didn't want to kill her. But I can guess how it looked, especially on the receiving end. I would have panicked too.

So it was only natural when her hands, scrambling around her, closed on a beer bottle and smashed it on my head.

I grunted, the world dimming and blurring, pain suffusing my senses. I barely noticed when she stabbed the jagged remnant of the bottle into my stomach.

Shoving my limp, but still conscious body off her, Dasom got to her feet, grabbed Guruem by the hand, and ran off into the night.

Lying there, alone in an alley and slowly bleeding out, I grabbed onto the torn-up remnants of my hatred. I forced myself to my feet. My hand grasped the alley wall for support. I stumbled my way back into the street.

It wasn't long before I collapsed again, but this time people saw. A small group rushed over to me. Their questions buzzed in the background. I couldn't make any of them out. Hands pressed on my wound. Someone called an ambulance. My eyes closed again, unable to keep them open any longer, and I let myself drift away.


	20. Diary 3: Entry 7

I came to in a resuscitation bay in an emergency department. Doctors and nurses were around me citing numbers and fancy words to each other. One of the doctors, handsome man with a boyish face and round glasses, announced that I was awake and began to explain to me what had happened and what they had done so far.

"...and the surgeons said they'll repair your wound in theatre. Does that all sound okay?" he finished.

Scrunching my eyes against my pounding headache, I nodded.

He smiled reassuringly at me, then said, "Is there anyone you want me to call? Family or friends?"

I furrowed my brow as I sifted through the fog in my mind. "Call Sua," I croaked, and told him her mobile number.

After writing it down, the young doctor walked off to make the call. I watched as the doctors adjusted my oxygen and fluids, wrote down some things on a medication chart, and then left me in the hands of a nurse. She had a pretty smile, and tried to make light conversation with me, but I wasn't in a talkative mood. She gave up after a short while.

The doctor returned with a grimace on his face. "No one answered. Is there another number I can call?"

I frowned. Sua and Siyeon must have been asleep. Was there anyone else? My family? How would I even _begin_ to explain any of this to them? To say they would be disappointed was a _massive_ understatement. Who could I call? There was no-one.

Except Jiu.

"There is one," I said to the doctor. I gave him the number, dreading what he would think when she picked up. Hearing her sultry business greeting. Would he think I was pranking him?

Nonetheless, he wrote it down and went to make the call. After half an hour, I spotted Jiu, in shorts and jacket, hesitantly step into the resuscitation bay. Her eyes went wide when she spotted me. She hurried to the bedside.

"Yoohyeon, what happened?" she asked. Her voice caught slightly at the end.

I tried to shrug. "Went for a drink. Fingered a stranger. Got stabbed by her girlfriend."

Jiu furrowed her brow, then shook her head. "How are you feeling?" she asked gently.

I grinned wryly. "Why, are you afraid you'll lose some income?"

Jiu couldn't look me in the eyes. "That's not fair, I...I still care whether you live or die."

"Charitable," I said.

Jiu didn't say anything to that. She simply looked down at her feet and put a soft hand on mine. After a few moments, she said, "What did the doctors say?"

I didn't look at her either. "When the on-call surgeon arrives they'll take me up to theatre."

Jiu simply nodded.

We continued holding hands like that, neither willing to meet the other's eyes. We didn't comment on it. Didn't say anything. We barely even moved. Only the simple, quiet company of a girl whose real name I didn't even know. But she was here, at least. When I needed someone the most.

When I held her hand a bit tighter, she didn't pull away.

Before too long I was taken up to surgery. Jiu was gone when I woke up. I stayed in hospital for a few days as I recovered from both the surgery and my concussion. Then they discharged me with a some pain tablets and antibiotics, telling me to move lightly but to not do anything strenuous. I asked if sex was allowed. They advised against it.

It was night when I arrived back to my dorm room. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Everything was where I had left it. My laptop and books sat on the desk. My clothes strewn all over the bed and floor. The lights off and everything dark. Empty. And alone.

After everything, I couldn't come home to this. Not for one second longer. So I opened up the site on which I'd found Jiu and scrolled through the pictures until I found a girl I liked. She went by Yujin. Cute face. Bright smile. Just what I needed. I dialled the number and rang.

A soft, sweet voice answered:_"Hey, this is Yujin. How may I service you?"_

"All night long, honey. Come to this address," I replied.

An hour later, I heard a knock on the door. I opened it. Yujin was even more beautiful than her photos, and her black skinny jeans made her figure _pop_.

I smiled genially. "Come in."

She did. "All night long, you said?" she asked.

I nodded. "Mhm. I certainly have the money for it." I tossed a large wad of cash to her.

Yujin gasped and caught it at the last second. Her eyes widened when she counted all the notes. "This is enough for nine hours!" she exclaimed, then chuckled nervously, rubbing her arms. "I...I'm not sure I can have sex for nine hours."

I dismissed her concern with a lazy wave of my hand. "No sex tonight. Just cuddle me while I sleep."

I got changed into my pyjamas in front of her. Oddly enough, I felt no hesitation at undressing in front of a stranger. What exactly was she going to say anyway? Then I tossed a clean set of pyjamas to her. "Get changed," I said.

She did.

Then I settled into bed under my blankets facing the wall. There was a breath of hesitation before I felt Yujin's weight on the mattress. She snuggled in behind me pressing her body flush against mine and held me tight. I clutched onto her arm.

As I lay there, feeling Yujin's breath on my neck and her heartbeat against mine, my thoughts drifted off towards Jiu. She had said she had used me _only_ for my money. But we got along well. _Too_ well. She may have told me the truth, but my stupid heart couldn't help but hold out for something more.

My last waking thought that night was of Jiu's sunflower smile. I would give anything to see it again.


	21. Diary 4: Entry 1

I woke to an empty bed and an empty phone. There had been no calls or texts from Siyeon or Sua since that night. That would be three days prior. Or was it four?

Maybe I hadn't fully recovered from that concussion after all.

My thumb flicked aimlessly through apps as I pondered whether I should call them when my phone buzzed in my hand. I gasped and almost dropped it. Then I saw who was calling.

"Jiu?"

_"Yes, it's me, Yoohyeon."_

"Why are you calling me?"

_"The doctors told me to check in on you after you were discharged. How are you?"_

I grunted. "It hurts to move, but I'm okay. Why else are you calling?"

There was a beat of silence before Jiu sighed. _"Because I failed my English exam. I have to take a supplementary exam."_

"I take it you want my help."

_"Yes."_

"How bold of you."

_"I-I know, but I wouldn't ask if I didn't need to."_

"My usual tutoring rate is 40 000 won. For you it's 60 000."

_"Ouch."_

"You used me for your gain. It's only fair."

_"I...to be honest, I-I'm barely making rent as it is. I don't think I can afford that."_

"Then find a way."

Jiu was silent for several moments. Then: _"I'll have sex with you. For free. Whenever you want. Just please help me pass this. Please."_

The desperation straining her voice broke me. No matter how I wished otherwise, my heart bled for her. "Okay. I will."

A sigh. _"Thank you so much, Yoohyeon. I promise I'll make it up to you. Shall I meet you at the university library?"_

"No. I'll come over to your place."

_"Oh. Ye-yes, that's fine. When can you come over?"_

"This afternoon. 3pm."

_"I'll see you then. Thank you again, Yoohyeon. Really."_

"Yeah, yeah." Then I hung up.

I arrived at Jiu's dingy apartment complex at 3pm sharp. I texted her: _"I'm here."_

Five minutes later, the door opened, revealing Jiu standing in a blood red bathrobe. Wryly, I wondered what was under it.

"Come in," she said. I hobbled through the doorway. "How's the pain?"

I shrugged. "Eh."

But she wrapped her arm around mine anyway and walked me up to her apartment.

It was honestly about the same size as mine, but worse for wear. The paint flecked off the walls, revealing bare plaster. The ceiling was straight-up unpainted. Its hard, grey concrete bore oppressively down on us. Her bedspread was bright pink and dotted with little, white bunnies. The only hint of colour in the dilapidated building.

Jiu sat on her bed and slid her robe off her shoulders. Her matching red lingerie was breathtaking, but the squirming of my heart shattered the spell in a split-second.

"No," I said, holding my hand up. "That won't be necessary. Let's just get some work done."

Jiu halted at my word, frowning momentarily, then wrapped the bathrobe around her again.

We spent that session going over the exam - what she did well, what she had trouble with - and came up with a study plan. Okay, it was mostly _me_ coming up with the plan, but she looked so lost and despaired that I couldn't help it. I couldn't help it.

Jiu ran her hand through her hair. "Thank you for this, Yoohyeon. I won't forget it."

I held up my hands, laughing nervously. "Okay, I get it. You can stop thanking me already."

She nodded. "I still have to give you your payment, though." She began to take off her robe again.

My hands reached out and clasped hers, stopping her in her tracks. She looked at me. Her eyes searched mine.

"Yoohyeon..." she murmured.

"Jiu," I said, "you really don't have to."

As I packed up my things, I noticed the stricken expression on her face. I didn't know what to make of it, so I ignored it.

I opened the door and stepped out of her apartment, but before I got any further, Jiu grabbed my arm.

"Wait," she said.

I turned around to find her gazing into my eyes. There was a breath. A moment. A small movement. Then Jiu darted forward and pecked my cheek so lightly I wasn't sure it even happened.

Her face flushed and she ducked her head. "See you on Friday." As per the study plan.

"See you then," I replied dumbly.

The door closed. I hobbled away, ignoring my ab pains as always.

And I tried in vain to ignore my racing thoughts.


	22. Diary 4: Entry 2

I'm sure you'd all love to hear what Sua and Siyeon had to say about what happened to me. Would they have felt guilty? Sad? Shocked? Pity? Were they sick of me? Or would they feel nothing at all?

From Jiu's apartment, I painstakingly made my way to Siyeon and Sua's apartment. I took not one, but _two, _morphine tablets to get me there and even then my tummy area was sore. All this walking was _not_ what the doctor ordered.

Tinges of purple and orange stained the sky by the time I arrived. Sweat beaded my forehead and I clutched my stomach, grimacing. I took a few deep breaths to steel my nerves before I nodded to myself. I could do this. I could face them.

My knuckles knocked loud against the door. A few moments passed. No answer. So I knocked again, louder this time. I hissed in pain, glancing at my now-reddening knuckles. Still no answer. My heart beat faster.

And then my nerve broke.

I hobbled away as fast as I could, hoping they hadn't heard anything, not stopping until I collapsed on the bench of a nearby park. My breath came heavy and hard as I watched dusk fade into night. Cool wind brushed my damp face and I closed my eyes at its touch. To simply lay there...what a privilege it was. I didn't have the energy to move anymore. Darkness cornered my vision, and dragged out of waking.

I saw Siyeon and Sua. They were happy. Without me. I saw Jiu, and her sad eyes. Life had broken her, and she couldn't fix things. How I would do anything - _anything_ \- to put things back together again.

My eyes sprung open as I woke in cold sweat. A strange man in a suit - a businessman or a lawyer - was shaking me.

"Hey," he said, "it's not safe here at night. Do you have a place to sleep? Any friends?"

I almost nodded, but I was sick and tired of being rescued by the mere _pity_ of my friends. Instead, I said, "I have a place to sleep. I can get there on my own."

The man frowned sceptically. "Are you sure? You don't look a hundred percent."

"Yeah." Despite my mood, I forced a smile. "Thanks."

The man smiled back, dazzling and handsome. "Get home safe. Call the cops if you're uneasy." He waved goodbye and walked off.

But as I swallowed down my nausea, I couldn't deny the truth: I wouldn't make it back home. I had pushed myself too hard, and now my body paid the price. Still, I couldn't bring myself to call Siyeon and Sua. That left only one option.

Jiu picked up in a split-second. _"Yoohyeon?"_ she asked. _"What is it?"_

"Boramae Park," I gasped. "Pick me up."

_"What?" _Jiu exclaimed. _"Yoohyeon, are you okay?"_ I heard her rummaging her things together in the background. _"What happened?"_

Jiu couldn't see me, but I smiled wryly anyway. "I'm thirsty."

_"Oh my goodness..."_ Jiu muttered. Her door slammed in the background. _"I'm coming, just sit tight!"_

"Yes, baby. Come for me." I chuckled.

_"Oh shut up."_ A pause, then, _"I'll come for you as much as you want if you_ promise _you won't do anything stupid again."_ By the ambient voices I could hear through the phone, Jiu was probably getting on the bus now.

"I'm sorely tempted...but I won't make promises I can't keep."

Jiu didn't reply. We stayed on the phone like that for most of her bus trip. Silent. Listening to each other breathe. She asked me if I was still there a few times. I said yes. It was a struggle, though. Every few minutes I had to pinch myself to force my eyes open again.

My eyelids were all too heavy when I finally saw Jiu running towards me. She knelt beside the bench I lay on and slid an arm under my shoulder. Her gentle strength lifted my heart.

With a soft shake she said, "Hey, it's me. You need to drink this."

The rim of an open water bottle nudged at my lips. I opened my mouth. Ice cool water streamed down my throat. Jiu was mindful enough to only give me a few sips at a time, so I didn't choke or cough at all. I simply lay there with eyes half-open drinking in what I needed most. As I drank I felt my body cool down. My sweat dissipated, leaving me cold and shivering; but I was alert. Jiu held me in her arms and gazed at me in such a soft and tender way I almost cried.

When the bottle was empty, she asked me, "How are you feeling?"

I grinned. "Much better thanks to my knight in shining armour."

Jiu ducked her head momentarily and hid a giggle behind her hand. "I'm far from that, but I'm glad I could help. Can you stand?"

"I think I can."

Jiu kept her arms around me as she helped me to my feet. After a brief wave of dizziness, I was steady enough. Hesitantly, she withdrew her arms, and I shivered. It was too cold.

"Thanks for helping," I said. "I'll be alright getting home from here."

"Yes, you will," she said, "because I'll walk you there."

"The uni campus isn't far, I'll be okay," I said.

Jiu raised an eyebrow again. "And if you faint again?"

I shrugged. What did she want me to say?

Jiu gave me a look that was almost heartbroken. "Come on, Yoohyeon. You're worth the effort."

I snorted.

She wrapped her arm around mine and pulled me with her. "And that's not up for discussion."

There was no point in arguing. I let her walk me all the way back to my dorm room. In the end it was good that she had come. A few waves of dizziness assaulted me on the way, but she was armed with another bottle of water for me to sip on. With her by my side, I made it back home.

And before she left, she kissed me softly on the cheek and, with a sad expression, said, "Take care of yourself, Yoohyeon."


End file.
